Linda: What would be your number one tip to start communication in a relationship? We’ve often talked about … We have great conversations when we do go on a walk. Do you have anything that you could tell a couple right now that if they are having communication issues what they could do? I don’t want you to give away the bank.
Dr. Schewitz: The most important thing you can do is put yourself in your partner’s shoes and really ask yourself, “How does this make sense in my partner’s head,” and, “Why does this make sense in my partner’s head?” Often, the way that we interpret our partners like, “They’re wrong, they’re crazy, this doesn’t make sense, they’re being ridiculous but they don’t think any of that.” In their head, what they’re saying makes sense. You have to figure out how and why and really empathize with that and really validate them. Meaning, say “Okay, I get why that makes sense to you. You thought I was being short with you. I came home stressed from work,” whatever the situation is and, “Wasn’t really talking to you and kind of brushed you off and you interpreted that as me being upset with you. I get why that makes sense to you and that’s not what’s going on. Here’s what’s really going on.” Give your partner the benefit of the doubt that they are trying their best and that what they’re telling you is their truth.
Linda: Okay everyone, you heard that right?
Charles: Our guest today, again, is Dr. Schewitz out of LA. How long have you been working with couples?
Dr. Schewitz: Since 2008, so what is that?
Charles: Nine years.
Dr. Schewitz: Yeah, your math skills are better than mine.
Charles: I already knew the answer so I just set it up that way. I’m joking, I’m joking. Again, for those who are listening listen, if anything that Dr. Schewitz has said or struck a chord with you or makes you sit up, reach out to her. Her contact information will be provided at the end of the video. You also have an online community group. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Dr. Schewitz: It’s a membership program. It’s called Couples Learn. It’s a great resource for people who maybe aren’t wanting the full therapy experience. Maybe they just need some videos or tips or tricks or different self study materials to get them on the right track. It’s 30 bucks a month, 29.99 a month and you get access to all kinds of activities you can do with your partner to really enhance your relationship. There’s videos of me working with actual couples so you can see what it’s like to have that tweaking of the communication and tailor your own communication accordingly. Lots of great articles and audios from myself and a whole panel of other therapists as well, and coaches.
Charles: Nice, can they find that on your website or is there a different URL?
Dr. Schewitz: I recently transferred everything over to coupleslearn.com so you can learn about all my services there.
Linda: We’re actually part of the community. We’ve poked around in there a few times, so great stuff. We appreciate that.
Dr. Schewitz: Thank you.
Linda: I know that we’ve talked about communication and we don’t want to keep you all day. Again like I said, we don’t want to have you give away your secrets, because the community is valuable. Like you said, even if the couple isn’t ready to jump into a therapy session or anything like that. I would definitely encourage all the couples listening to check out coupleslearn.com. Get to know Dr. Schewitz. Also, you’re in Instagram, you’re on Facebook and you post a lot of great things on there. I was on my Instagram feed today and I was like, “Oh, I like that one. I like that one.” It’s really good stuff. As a couple, we all need to grow regardless of the relationship whether we think it’s good or not, there’s always room for improvement.
Charles: All the time. There’s no finish line. You’ve not achieved some level and then you can coast, it doesn’t work that way.
Dr. Schewitz: There’s so many layers to everything.
Linda: We really appreciate your time. If you have any last parting words for everyone listening, feel free to go ahead and part the wisdom on us all. We appreciate that.
Dr. Schewitz: I would just say that connect with each other as much as possible, give each other the benefit of the doubt as much as possible and remember that you’re on the same team in life.
Linda: That’s great. We’re not against each other, we’re-
Charles: The same team. Hey guys, again, I’m going to pick on you because I love you. Think of it this way, I used to be a financial planner and it was interesting. When I would be brought out to the house, it was inevitable the husband or the man would sit on one side, the woman or the wife would sit on the other side and they had all their financial documents in a big pile in the middle of the table and I would sit at the head of the table. Then one day I had this vision that, that’s the issue. You two aren’t on the same team and you’ve got this big wedge between you. I would encourage one of you guys, get up from your side and sit next to your spouse, your partner. Whatever that thing is, be it finances, kids, health, parents, the list can go on and on and on. Look at it from a united front, not from oppositional perspective.
Linda: That’s very true and even at a restaurant, sit next to each other not across from one another. Set an example.
Charles: Again, Dr. Schewitz thank you for your time today. Folks, go look at Dr. Schewitz’ website. Hit her up if you have any questions check out her community and we hope to see you soon Traveling, Eating Well, Working Out and Having Fun.
Linda: Thank you very much.
Dr. Schewitz: Thank you guys so much.
Linda: We appreciate it.