After X many years married, it feels like the spark starts to dim. There aren't as many opportunities to light the flame and sometimes it dies down. That's why it's important to give your love a jumpstart (think starter logs- so romantic I know) every now and again.
I wouldn't consider myself an expert on love. In fact with four kids, there are some days I think we both wonder if we even really like each other (I mean not often but you know for maybe 5 seconds when we're glaring at each other over the 5 loads of unfolded laundry piled on the couch). Kids aside, we try. Every once in a while we shake up our relationship and find something we can enjoy doing together.
Here are a couple ways we've connected over the past...well, we won't talk about how many...years.
This was one of the first ways we used to bond- playing games together. There are a lot of two player games that are fun and spark conversation and laughter. Some of my favorites are Settlers of Catan Dice Game, Quixx, various card games, Farkle or Yahtzee. Other games to try are Last Word (you know who always wins that one) and Mad Gab. If you’re lucky enough to go on a double date, Love Letter is also a fast paced game that leads to good conversation and a lot of laughs.
This isn't super interactive but we have bonded over cuddling on the couch watching a show. We choose one and then we sit and watch it at the end of the day when we're too exhausted to do much else. The next day we'll talk about the plot and what we think is going to happen next. The nice thing about this one is that it takes so little effort, but provides togetherness.
My husband sometimes reads to me or we listen to books on tape when we travel. Like watching TV this provides us a mutual interest to discuss later. It spawns spontaneous conversation and is like having our own personal book club. Another option would be to choose a book to read simultaneously or one after the other. Take turns picking what you’ll read. Your partner’s pick may surprise you and spark another shared interest.
Finding a mutual hobby...
Just because you met, fell in love, and decided to spend the rest of your life together, does not mean you have anything in common. Really, opposites attract. But, that doesn't mean you can't create shared interests (no, the kids do not count). This may involve being open to getting involved in something your spouse loves (for us it's been fish and blogging- he loves one, I love the other and we do both together- well at least he takes my picture and I let him keep fish in our house). Or, it may be creating a hobby together. Over the years, we have taken up many new hobbies we can do together that we both enjoy. Including holiday decorating, interior design, video games (we play World of Warcraft- or did before we had kids, who has time right now) and photography.
Planning date nights out or even in...
Once you get married and have kids planning date nights becomes a chore. Who has time for that? A lot of times, date night includes a trip to Costco or a mad dash hiding toys before the little destructors find them again. But, it really is important to take time out. And, as much as I like to count working on the blog together, sometimes you need to sit down as a couple, turn off your phones, and spend quality time together. I found Night in Boxes on Facebook and it has taken all the guesswork out of planning. Less work for me. More quality time with him. I still love a night out with wine and good food but sometimes, you just want to connect in the comfort of your own home (pjs are a plus).
When you've been married a while, sometimes it's hard to feel "in love."
Remind yourself that love is a choice not a feeling
Get to know Jamie & MommyInFlats
Jamie is a lifestyle and fashion blogger over at www.mommyinflats.com. She can be found running after four mischievous children, blogging about her latest fashion find (bonus if it's vintage), and spending time with her IT loving photographer husband. She loves writing, Jesus, and a good pair of shoes (maybe not in that order).