Before having kids I had no problem showing physical affection to my husband on a daily basis. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, spontaneous butt grabs, we showed our love for each other in all kinds of physical ways. This was always initiated more by my husband than myself (but that is his love language!). It was always welcome and always reciprocated. But then kids came along and everything changed.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am still very much in love with my husband. We have been together for almost 11 years (high school sweethearts!) and married for 6 of those years. We have grown together from two crazy immature teenagers in love to (still sometimes crazy) husband and wife with two kids. He still finds ways to surprise me and I am in awe of how much love he has left to give after all of the hard work he does on a daily basis.
Since becoming a stay at home mom over two years ago, and having to spend all day with a toddler, I found myself getting what I like to call “touched out”.
Carrying around a toddler, playing with them all day, changing diapers, rocking them to sleep, by the time bedtime rolled around I was exhausted and didn’t want anyone or anything (and by anything I mean my two cats) to touch me. This was hard for my husband to get used to, and it only got worse once I had our second child and had a newborn AND a toddler that depended on me all day. We went from sneaking kisses in the kitchen to me pretty much denying every kiss he tried to give me.
Being “touched out” at the end of the day of handling two kids by myself, I have a hard time wanting any physical contact with my husband. At first it didn’t really bother me to shut him down (poor guy), but after a few months after our second child was born he told me how much it was bothering him.
As much as it’s necessary to give ourselves to our kids,
ultimately we were wives first.
It’s so easy to forget that and put our marriages on the backburner. After he had a talk with me I took it to heart and made sure that he understood while it would be hard for me, I would improve.
We have found other ways to connect other than physically when I am having a “touched out” day. We have dinner together after the kids are in bed and talk. We have TV shows that we like to watch together so we sit and watch those together at the end of the day. Having phone and text messages throughout the day help us to feel closer too. Spending quiet time together at night even when we are doing separate things helps, such as both of us reading our bibles.
In addition to the non-physical things, I have been working on showing my husband more affection. Whether it be more hugs, or butt grabs ;), or him spontaneously wanting to dance in the kitchen, knowing how important it is for him helps me make those things a priority. Now I’m not saying I always show him physical affection when he wants it, but discussing those things with your husband is important. If your significant other isn’t a person who likes these displays of affection, than this won’t work for them.
Having the conversation and knowing what your significant other prefers and working on meeting them in the middle can make a big difference in your relationship.
Get to know Kristen!